Friday, September 24, 2010


So, I’m proud to announce that my 15 month old has now learned to throw away trash!  I’m more than excited because as soon as I change his diaper, off to the trash can he goes.  See, we train them young here…they have to earn their keep in this house!  I feel that they have caused the majority of the mess, it is only fitting that they help to clean it up.  What, too early?  The Asian blood sings sweetly in me and we have never heard of this thing you call a child labor law. 
It is currently two in the morning, and I’m beginning to think that I may be on the verge of a psychotic break.  It seems as if my nesting urges get stronger with every pregnancy, and the cleaning becomes more indomitable.  What I mean is that I scoured the kitchen…the cabinets, refrigerator, stove, high chair, glass tables, Thing 2’s mattress and his bed.  I folded all of the accumulated laundry, organized the closets, reorganized the diapers,  made beds, swept all of the rooms, mopped all of the rooms, swept again,  found some time to feed the kids and eat, cleaned the mirrors and the bathroom, sat down to relax and watch a movie, swept a third time and then tried to fall asleep.  That didn‘t seem to fit in Thing 2's schedule and I have the strange feeling that he’s teething…again.  He wanted to eat but didn’t want to chew, and seeing that I’m not going to emulate the emperor penguin (although I may resemble one with my fancy gait) he was upset with me. When I did try to sleep I was kept awake from the sound of my own breathing (I’m pretty sure I have mentioned my OCSD- obsessive compulsive sleeping disorder) and the fact that Thing 1 was using my spine as a ladder (yes, he is sleeping with me because when left to his own device he can be slightly destructive….as in pulling the patched up dry wall OUT of the wall).  I am now finding it hard to sit down because of the sharp pain radiating down my back, sides and legs.  Probably due to squatting down on the floor and screwing in those awful cabinet locks…because Thing 2’s favorite past time is to crawl under the sink and suck on the pipes.  I can’t find the bits to my drill, so I had to use some elbow grease.  Sooo…..more than likely I shoved the baby’s head even further into my pelvis, if that is even a possibility.  Also, I think that I succeeded in creating an unknown yoga position as I was painting my toenails (and yes, I would get a pedi if I could stand someone touching my feet). 
So, as I was saying it is now two in the morning and I’m partially completely crazy…and did I mention that Thing 1 is awake with me?  He too found it hard to sleep from all of my tossing and turning….and throwing him to the other side of the bed. 
I love to watch my children sleep (and not just because it is the only time I receive any peace).  I always wonder what they’re dreaming of (sometimes you can tell what Thing 1 is dreaming about because he starts saying “NO MOM! I’M NOT GOING NIGHT-NIGHT….ever defiant).  The overwhelming feeling of love and adoration is almost suffocating.  Those are the times that I cherish, the moments that I want time to stop…and then I start thinking of what I would do if time did stop…and most of those thoughts are focused on robbing candy stores. 
Bath times are a fun and soggy event.  We have to use no less than 3 towels just to cover the floor and pray that the people below us aren’t receiving drips to the forehead.  Thing 1 was bathing himself (see…..gotta love self sufficiency) and was thrown into a panic when…well, he has little boy parts.. And yes it starts young…and I think that you get the idea.  So, to my horror he tried to remove it from his anatomy.  Seeing as I do not have one of these, I did not know how to handle the situation. Thing 1 was getting increasingly hysterical because he wanted everything to go back to normal, didn‘t know how to achieve that normality, and was in pain from trying to yank it off.  All I could do was out-scream him to stop and leave it alone, and all the while Thing 2 having already been removed from the tub was eating the lotion (but it’s okay, because it is lavender so it’s supposed to calm and soothe).  Everyday is a learning experience…and I learned that Gigantor is going to give them “the talk” when that time comes.  
 Unfortunately Thing 1 has become excessively flatulent and like most males wants everyone to hear and smell it.  The other day he used his bad habit as a jet propulsion to run around in his famous circles.  When I finally asked him to stop “tooting”, he turns to me with a look of exasperation (which eerily looks just like mine) and said “MOM, everybody toots.  You toot, Stray (our dog) toots, EVERYBODY toots”.  Well, I guess I don’t have to buy the book now.


Audrey Johnson said...

Those boys...somethin' else! said...

I'm silently laughing so hard right now because Mom is asleep in the other room and I don't want to wake her up. And he's right. Everybody toots.

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