Happy 3 Thing 2!

From the very beginning you were determined to be different. You entered this world as you normally enter a room...with flare and a very loud introduction. As a 9 pounder you were the biggest and loudest baby in the NICU. You made sure to let everyone know how angry you were.

After you figured out that you could remove your mouthpiece, you wanted nothing to do with it. I thought that piece of acrylic would be the death of me. I would cringe when having to remove the tape...so often your skin would come along with it. But you never complained out of pain, only inconvenience.

Your first surgery was incredibly successful, albeit nerve destroying on my part. Admirably your father and I held it together (and without the aid of sedatives, might I add) and you came out and sped toward recovery....after you pulled out your nosepiece and attachments. (You also pulled out your nosepiece after the second surgery resulting in additional sutures and hardcore arm protectors. You were like a toddler zombie with those things on!)

You are a very daring child. Fearlessness is your main trait, and you love to set my teeth on edge with your daredevil shenanigans. Coincidentally, your failed attempts always manage to involve your very expensive face.

You have an immense love for your brothers even at such an early age. You're always willing to take part in any maniacal plan (usually destructive) your older brother can coerce you into. We're probably going to lose every security deposit that we put down. Your penchant for destruction (even when not persuaded) will take me to the grave early.

Although manipulated and used as a target for dodgeball by your older brother, you are completely and utterly lost without him. You teared up at Thing 1's graduation when you realized that he was backstage and you couldn't see him. This bent my heart and made me grateful for your sensitivity.

I see myself in you when you refuse to adhere to any rule. You are stubborn, you are defiant and you are a being to behold.

You are so much spunk and tenacity in one small package and you color the world (quite literally) around you. Your curiosity usually gets you into trouble and leaves me with the strong urge to drink.


Your laughter is the most amazing thing that has ever graced my ears. However, every time I hear that chipmunk chatter, I know that something has been destroyed.

I love you so much my Precious. You are 1/3 of my heart. You are my last nerve. You are my never ending sense of adventure. Happy 3rd birthday!!!

My Mother's Day: An Illustration

So, I was in my room counting my swag and I had an epiphany. 

Carrying around all your money in your pockets can be so....cumbersome.

And I was all like, "WHY didn't I think of this earlier?!"

Uh huh. Where are you going with this?

I could BE a walking piggy bank!! Isn't it GENIUS?!

I've already tested it out though, it's basically patent pending. 

So no dibs on the invention.

Wait. WHAT?!

RIGHT?! It's brilliant. My genius is greatly undervalued.

I kind of expected it to taste like bacon. 

Cause it came out of my piggy bank you know?

Ugh....not so much.

So how do you expect to RETRIEVE the money?

EVERY plan is sure to have hiccups. 

What do you propose???

Dude. You basically ate a Leprechaun.

Soooo......yeeaaaahhhhh.......

A LEPRECHAUN!! HAHAAAAAAAAA

aaahhhhhh.....

Oh.

THE END.......until the next BM. 

I am Yao Ming...and also abnormal.

 When I was younger I used to stare at myself in the mirror and make funny faces. Now that I'm older, nothing has changed.

This is Yao Ming. 

Yao Ming

He is an NBA player. He is also a very popular meme. 

Me.

Nailed it.

Kerosene for Coughs and Other Helpful Tips!

 My coffee smells like propane. It also kind of tastes like something that should run through the engine of a V8. That's how I like it. Actually...that's how I have to drink my morning/afternoon pick-me-up. With three little vampires running around, I have to get my energy source where I can find it!

This slightly gaseous odor made me recall a conversation that I recently had with my Grandmother, Mamaw. 

While the recent bacteria bonanza was going down at my house, I called Mamaw to complain about the lack of sleep due to the persistent cough that held all three boys in its evil clutches. 

Mamaw began to think on all of the good ol' remedies that her mother used to during times of illness.

Mamaw--"You know, when we had a bad cough Mother used to give us....what's that stuff called?? Kerosene! She gave us one or two drops of that when we had a cough." 

Me-- "What?! She gave you GAS?!"

Mamaw--"Noooo, kerosene. Not gasoline, it's not as flammable."

Me-- "Mamaw! Kerosene is used to LIGHT LANTERNS!! It's most definitely flammable."

Mamaw-- "I know that it's flammable, I meant that the amount she gave us wasn't enough to set us on fire."

I think I'll pass on the lantern lighting. The image of spontaneous combustion and of a scorched sofa just kept dancing itself through my head. 

When I'm told of the home remedies that were enforced at that time, it makes me cringe. There must have been something extra in the old cigarettes back then. Kerosene?? Really?! 

My father is from Thailand. Tiger Balm is the Asian remedy for every known affliction to mankind. You have a headache?? Put Tiger Balm on it. You broke your hip? Put Tiger Balm on it. 

Whenever my Dad had a stomachache, he was to eat Tiger Balm. By the way...if you aren't Asian (and awesome) Vick's Vapo Rub with a dash of Icy Hot is the equivalent to Tiger Balm. Imagine having to stomach that!

While most of those old school methods are horrendous, there are some home remedies (even though a bit strange) that are known to work: 

*Corn syrup for constipation. Whenever my kids were still on the bottle, two of them would go for days without a dirty diaper. I was told to administer 1-2 tsp. of corn syrup in their bottles. (Now I can't get them to STOP pooping. Irony)

*Onions for fever. Okay...so this one is quite strange. If a stubborn fever refuses to budge after a dose or two of medicine, take an onion and cut it in half. Using a tube sock (or tape) tie the onion half (flat side) against the bottoms of the child's feet. {You can also cut the onion up and stuff it into a large sock, and then put the sock on the child's feet.} Once the onions are brown or wilted, remove.  Miraculously, the fever will drop. Baby may be stinky but better than the nuclear alternative. 

*Homemade cough syrup. This one is from Mamaw, and it is a much better substitute for kerosene. 

       1 Tbs Whiskey, 1 Tbs Honey, 1/2 Tbs lemon juice

{If you're horrified about giving your child whiskey, just remember that most cough syrups contain alcohol.}

These may be unconventional, but they do work. Better yet, all of these are pantry staples! Well...maybe except for whiskey. It's a staple in my house. For cooking...ahem.